It is no secret that it has been all fun and games for me over the past couple of weeks since I did a road opening. My original thoughts were that it was a mistake, but as the full moon moved to a new moon actually I am starting to think it one of the best things I have ever done. It has truly opened my roads. There is still a way to go, however a path has finally become clear, the depression has subsided for the most part and I know what to do next and actually have a plan.
I cannot say if this will be my final post on the subject, however I am still trying to document the process, since I do think it important at least on a personal level and I do try for full disclosure when I can. I also believe that this might one day help another, so this post will cover some of my thoughts on the process. What worked and what didn’t and what steps might need to be considered next. I think there are a good few points to consider here, many of which may be cautiously explored in the future.
Lets start with a quick summary. When this kicked off I was in a fairly miserable situation, if not depressed then certainly not optimistic and totally without a clue as to what do, this state had been present for several years. There are however some things about the situation which I find curious and I wonder how much my subconscious/higher self/associate spirits and guides were involved in the process. When I analyse the situation there seems to be a possibility that a part of this seems to have cascaded backwards in time or perhaps is part of a process which is outside time. I think that is something to explore later, especially as I gather more data points however it does lead me to the question “why did this happen now” which I think bigger and weirder than that I just happened to do it then. More on that later!
One aspect I did not even consider until late in the process was that I work with Elen of the Roads. It was a total duh moment when I realised that I made the oil and left it to cook on her altar space. To be clear, it is an area shared with Guides and Household spirits as well, but I do think that her presence and contact was a major part of this. I haven’t untangled yet how much of this charging of my oil was Elen or anyone else, however I think it a major point to consider. If Elen had played the major role in charging it and I had instead made (say) a Speak-to-the-dead type of oil, would it have worked? Or would the relevant guide have took a more prominent role to charge it.
That maybe something to explore later, once the dust from this working has settled down. To be sure, running through possibilities on what to explore next in making a bespoke oil I realise that they can all work in unexpected and dramatic ways. To be sure, this one did not backfire, it did exactly what was in the label (which keeps peeling off for some reason, maybe that is a sign that the force was spent since it is not being caused by oil on the sides effecting the label glue) but it did not work in the way I expected it too but started with me and cleared out the stuff I didn’t need, before showing me how to open my roads. That is an ongoing process I think, there is a lot of work to be done still, I think that my emotions will still be up and down for a while but now I see the path ahead, I think a fair chunk of internal cleansing is done and I can now see a path ahead. One lesson for me on this is to trust the Goddess and spirits that I work with even on the darker moments. I have absolutely no doubts in my head that this is working correctly and taking me to where I need to me.
One decision I have made is that I will not ever share any of my oil. I think that it is a road opener designed for me and charged by the entities around me. I would not want to give someone a sample, have them use it and open my roads again. Whilst a few people do know the recipe, I doubt that it would work for them if they had made it. If someone else wanted to make one of these, I think they would need to do exactly as I did, be guided into what oils and quantities to use and then let it cook in a similar way. Even then it may not work if they are not working with Spirits associated with Roads. However someone working with say Athena may have better luck making a knowledge or protection oil.
I mentioned “time” earlier, and I think that are questions to be asked as to what happened. Gordon White, speaking to Remote Viewers has suggested that everything is outside time and that may be how it works. So the idea that this may have had a retrocausative effect may be wrong. However I do think that from our linear-time point of view the process started before I made the oil, had even thought about. I peaked during the time I made the oil, the peak continuing during the waning moon period and dropping off rapidly as we hit the new moon. I have a plan for the next couple of steps and some problems seem to be magically disappearing on their own. A lot of it seems to have been giving me the knowledge needed for what work to do.
I am very certain that burning the candle was not the initiator of the process. Neither was the actual choice to make a road opener. There were several fairly random circumstances around this which makes my spider sense go all tingly. First of all, I happened to find an orange candle the day before which I never realised I had and popped it on the table. Next day (Full moon) I thought that I would make a road opener. Since I had just started working more consciously with guides, I thought that I would try an experiment and ask to be guided into making one rather than dig out a recipe, still not sure why really. So I meditated and tried to connect, opened my box of oils and intuitively selected the ones I felt might help, lining a number up on the table. Then trying to sense if it was appropriate and if so how many drops to use, same made the cut, some did not. That was my set. so I made the oil, bottled it and left to cook as described above.
Here is where odd timing kicks it. I did this at about 8pm, popping the bottle on the altar and lighting tealight candles to the spirits described above. I went to bed a bit later, leaving the candles burning since they were safe and would be out shortly. These candles burn for about 4 hours and would have extinguished around midnight. It was about then that the deep waves of panic and despair started hitting me. In retrospect I think this was part of the cleaning process and a necessary process, although I didn’t connect it at the time. So this process started when the oil had finished “cooking“ before I had dressed and lit the orange candle. That is what I never connected at the time!
Next day I annointed my orange candle and let it burn. I work from home, so it was easy to monitor it for safety and let it burn all day and evening although I was extinguishing it whilst I slept and re-lit it first thing in the morning. It took about 4 days to burn as I remember. Through this time the bleak stuff was coming in waves and they were some of the lowest lows I had ever experienced in my life. I think on a previous post I thought something like “this cannot go on“. To be clear, this never meant that I was ever suicidal - that is not in my nature at all. But I was in a very dark place for most of this. Again, I think that is a part of the cleansing process which the road opener needed, but it certainly was not fun. The very worst moment was at the end, just before the new moon, I remember sitting holding my cat and holding back tears, not even sure where these feelings were coming from. Through this time, I noticed that with one exception the universe had left me on my own. I spoke to friends and work colleages online of course but apart from one day where I had company I was on my own. Oddly and again someone spookily the friend I share my house with was away during this time and returned on the new moon. That persons plans were set in motion ages before all this.
Timing is still weird, why a Mercury Retrograde was the period this happened and it coincided exactly was a full to new moon escaped me? It could be coincidence of course but it seems strange. I need to check the other space weather around this time for more clues. This is one of the reasons why I think that there are processes outside linear time orchestrating this. I can trace back events which happened back to January, even late December which if they never happened this would not have happened, so feel a bit guided by contacts I had made and worked with since then - remember that they too were on the altar space when the oil was cooking. For example this was the time I began considering working with guides due to conversations with a friend and being different experiences.
I noticed also in retrospect that the cleansing was also physical. My appetite dropped to practically nothing during the period and I ate practically nothing on some days. Some days I was living off a cuppa soup and a mouthful of chicken and rice. Again, it seems back to normal now we are in the new moon period like a switch has been flicked. There is probably a link to depression and appetite so I cannot be certain that it was not a biological effect, not that that really matters, its all connected however I feel better for it in a way.
There was other weird stuff happening during this time. I had one dream experience where my heart was cut our and replaced with a new one which had crystals embedded into it. I know that this is a shamanic experience, I was however surprised when one friend who knows the actual ingredients I used comments that one oil is more commonly used for heart opening. I also noticed that I became a lot more psychic during period (tarot card readings have been particular weird) but I was sensing spirits in the house and so on. The same friend pointed out that another oil I happened to use was a psychic oil. The others were road openers. So I was given exactly the recipe I needed by my guides. This brings me back to points I made earlier in this piece that the oil was very bespoke for me and probably would not work for anyone else - especially when you consider my charging process and who charged it.
The realisations as to what are forming my future plans all came together in the final days, still through the depression. It was not a sudden inspiration but a lot of my thoughts continuing to focus on one idea which would open the next step. I kept looking and ponding and seeing even in the depressed state I was in that it would work, I don’t need this or even want it any more and if I cut this the next step will be very possible, even perhaps run like clockwork. The end period was also lit with coincidences which gave me information to fix other blocked areas which have been causing me a continual low-grade anxiety over the past couple of years. A friend connected me out of the blue and suggest I try something another friend mentioned something in passing which would some a problem and even comments on a documentary provided things to true, all this in the last days of the period or the first day of the new moon. These address problems I have had for some time, even years in one case!
In summary I think that a path has definitely opened and it seems to have worked. At least my optimism has returned and I feel so less burdened and worried about things, I have a plan and a list of things to do both mundane and magical. However part of the lesson for me is that it is an ongoing process not a “big-bang” event. Certainly I can say that the paths which I felt where blocking me seem to be disappearing and new ones opening. Would I do it again? Maybe; I would be more aware as to what the consequences might be, it was fairly brutal though I must say and didn’t hold back with its task, however I am actually glad that I did this and believe that all will be well.
Finally, I hope that is this final note on the experience helps just one person, this I feel it was worth recording the experience in the detail that I have.